


Dark Side Bar And Grill

by micehell



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Humor, M/M, all pairings besides Q/O are just in their head, implications of wanking ;), perhaps a little dark but still humor, thoughts of chan, thoughts of nonconsensual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-22
Updated: 2005-03-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micehell/pseuds/micehell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waiting for Obi-Wan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Side Bar And Grill

It was a bar on the seedier side of the Force. It was still the Force; just the blue around here was a little… darker. Three people sat around a table together, periodically taking long draughts of a very potent brew. The mood around the table was as dark as the ambient lighting, which was to say pretty damn dark.

“Still not here yet. I invited him directly, but, of course, he’s going to stand me up.” The speaker bowed his head, his pleasant, middle-aged face twisted in a frown.

One of his tablemates smirked at him. He was somewhat younger, his darkly handsome features enhanced by an unusual marking on one cheek, but the effect was marred by the petulant twist to his face. “Did you really expect him to come at your beck and call?”

The first man simply glared at the second before taking another long drink.

The third person at the table ignored them both, staring at the doorway with an intent, longing look. He was much younger than his companions, looking barely in his teens, with dusky skin and long white hair. He signaled for another drink before he turned to the others, breaking the deepening silence. “He’ll come. I can feel it.”

The first man shook his head. “Right, Bruck. Because you have such a deep connection with him that you can tell exactly what he’s going to do.”

Now all three of them wore matching frowns. “I do have a connection with him, Anakin. He was the person who killed me, after all.”

The second man shook his head. “You slipped, it wasn’t like he pushed you. Now me he pushed.”

Bruck laughed darkly. “Oh, you can try to claim that he and Qui-Gon killed you all you want, Xanatos. The truth is that you killed yourself.”

Xanatos glared at Anakin when he laughed. “It’s not like you did any better, Oh Scourge of the Jedi Order.”

Anakin managed to look both angry and sheepish at the same time. “Yeah, well I made up for it.”

“Oh, yeah, you fought on the side of the good guys before you died for the cause, didn’t you? For all of about five seconds, right? Whoo, you really sweated out your repentance there.”

Anakin chose to ignore the unfair (if somewhat accurate) jibe, and the table sunk into silence again.

After about fifteen minutes of steady drinking, Anakin looked at his reflection in his glass. “I wish I’d gone directly into the Force. Then I’d get to choose what I look like. Obi-Wan’s strutting around looking like he did when he was twenty-five…” All three of them sighed wistfully at the image that presented, then Anakin continued, “And I look like an old man.”

Xanatos was smug. He hadn’t gone directly into the Force either, but he’d still been fairly young when he died, not to mention very good looking. He couldn’t resist a little dig at Anakin. “Yeah, well Qui-Gon didn’t get to choose either, but then I guess he aged more gracefully than you did. At least Obi-Wan seems to think so.”

Before the dialog could devolve into blows, Bruck whined, “Like you should complain. At least you got an adult body. Do you know how hard it is to score when you look like a thirteen-year-old? The kind of people you attract are so not the kind you want to have anything to do with.”

Xanatos just shook his head. “If you hadn’t of been so jealous of Obi-Wan, you wouldn’t have thrown in your lot with me, and you could have lived to be a ripe old age. You’ll just have to live with it now. Or rather, not live with it.”

Bruck was unamused by the attempted witticism. “I wasn’t jealous of him.”

The other two just laughed.

“I wasn’t. I hated him. He walked around all the time acting like he was perfect. He’d always be all ‘Yes, Master’ and ‘No, Master’ in that soft, butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-his-mouth voice of his.”

“That voice,” Xanatos and Anakin breathed in unison.

“But then he was just as likely to fight as me. He should never have made it as a Jedi.” Bruck sounded outraged.

Anakin nodded. “Yeah, that’s why he was one of the best, because he should never have been one.”

Bruck ignored him, caught up in his memories. “And once he was Qui-Gon’s padawan, he was all ‘aren’t I special’. Walking around with that strut of his.”

“That strut,” Anakin and Xanatos moaned together.

“And I wanted to show him just who was special. Show him who really had the power.” His breath was coming in pants now, his face further darkened by strong emotions. “Push him up against a wall and teach him a lesson. Hold him there with the Force so that he couldn’t move, no matter how much he struggled. See the helplessness in those eyes.”

“Those eyes.” All three of them were panting now.

“Press up against him. Make him keep that mealy mouth shut by giving him something else to do with those lips.”

“Those lips.” All of them were squirming in their seats and no one’s hands were on the table.

“With the little bow on the top one.”

“Fuck yes,” Anakin moaned.

“Force,” Xanatos groaned.

When Bruck was finally able to speak again, he continued. “But he never even gave me the time of day. It was all ‘My master’ this and ‘My master’ that. Not that I couldn’t understand his fascination with Qui-Gon. Besides Obi-Wan, he was the sexiest Force user I’d ever seen.”

“Hey!” said Xanatos, pointing at his own lovely features.

Bruck scowled at him. “You threatened me with a lightsaber just to save your own skin, then expected me to carry on with your dirty work as if nothing had happened, so don’t hey me.”

Xanatos had to admit as that was true, so he let Bruck go on uninterrupted. “And you know, I was so far gone I taunted him with his friend’s name, you know the one who’d died. And I taunted him with the possibility of Bant’s death. And for a time there he hated me. Hated me.”

The other two nodded, well aware of what that was like.

“But when I started to fall, he reached out for me. He tried to save me.”

Anakin looked stricken, and even Xanatos was looking a little down. They all three downed there drinks, calling for more.

Xanatos broke the silence. “Qui-Gon was always so fucking sanctimonious. So disappointed if you didn’t do exactly as he wanted. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Anakin smirked, being more than a little familiar with that problem.

“Of course, then Qui-Gon starts in on how I’d betrayed him. Which I guess I did, though he deserved it for being such a self-righteous prick. And it made me happy that he wouldn’t let anyone close to him after that. I’d done that to him, and it felt good, like I’d gotten a little of my own back.”

The other two nodded, understanding this warped point of view.

“But then I met Obi-Wan on Bandomeer, and I realized that Qui-Gon had found someone new, even if he was too stubborn to admit it. I decided to take Obi-Wan away from him. So I set about watching Obi-Wan. Saw him strutting around like he owned the world.”

“That strut,” Anakin and Bruck said together.

“And then I arranged to meet him, and he was just so young, but still so powerful, so committed. He nearly bowled me over with his intense eyes.”

“Those eyes,” Bruck and Anakin groaned in unison.

“And then he was so wary of me, questioning me in that prim little voice of his.”

“That voice,” they all said breathlessly.

“But then I captured him. And I had him sprawled out on the deck of a boat, out in the middle of nowhere, helpless. I couldn’t help myself, I just had to have a little taste of those lips.”

“Those lips.” All three of them were squirming and no one’s hands were on the table.

“With the little bow on top.”

“Fuck yes,” groaned Anakin.

“Force,” moaned Bruck.

When he could breath again, Xanatos continued. “I could have done anything I wanted to him, and what could he have done about it. And then later, on Telos, I had him in a cage. It was a good look for him.”

The other nodded their appreciation of this image.

“Ok, I was going to have him killed, but that was just because he was with Qui-Gon.” His expression darkened at the thought of Qui-Gon. “The bastard. He’d screwed me over, and then he was going to get to screw that lovely piece of…”

Anakin coughed, giving him a dirty look.

“… padawan over, too. I should have killed him.

And I might have let Obi-Wan go. He’d seemed like just another do-gooder like Qui-Gon, but then he’d betrayed him, same as me. I thought he’d come to hate all that sanctimonious crap that the Jedi are always going on about. But even though they’d put him on probation, even though Qui-Gon had left him alone in the first place, he still wanted to be like them. Wanted to do the right thing. He was a loyal idiot, I’ll give him that. But, then, he hadn’t screwed up so bad that there was no going back.” Xanatos let his hair fall in his eyes to cover up the expression there. “He hadn’t screwed up so bad that there was no forgiveness to be had.”

Anakin looked stricken, and even Bruck was looking a little down. They all three downed there drinks, calling for more.

Anakin broke the silence. “He was always so prim and proper. All ‘That’s not what Jedi do’. He was so repressed; you could almost believe he wasn’t human. Until you’d get a look in those eyes.”

“Those eyes,” Xanatos and Bruck said in unison.

“And he was always so serene. But then we’d get into trouble, and he’d get all wet and rumpled…”

The other two were startled by this new image, but their eyes lit as they though about it.

“… and I could hear the concern for me in his voice.”

“That voice,” Bruck and Xanatos moaned, back on track again.

“There were times I almost thought he was sexless, but then I’d see him walking with that strut.”

“That strut,” they all said breathlessly.

“And I once caught Mace Windu kissing him on his lips.”

“Those lips.” All three of them were squirming and no one’s hands were on the table.

“With the little bow on top.”

“Fuck yes,” groaned Bruck.

“Force,” moaned Xanatos.

When he could breath again, Anakin continued. “It’s no wonder I turned to the Dark Side. It was pure sexual frustration.”

The other two nodded. They could definitely see his point.

“And I’d wanted so much to please him, but I could never get past his walls. Never get past Qui-Gon’s ghost. Qui-Gon’s fucking pure-blue ghost, who never even bothered to show up. Left Obi-Wan to cry alone at night. Left me to cry alone at night.

And now Qui-Gon has him forever, that bastard. Won’t even let him come and see his old apprentice for a harmless drink.”

The other two nodded. “Yeah.”

Their mutual commiseration was interrupted as the door to the bar opened. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan, who looked a very fetching twenty-five, came in, looking around rather cautiously. When he spotted them, Obi-Wan gave a little smile with those lips, licking the bow on the top.

There was a collective sigh from the table.

He strutted over to join them, puzzlement in his eyes.

There was a collective groan from all of them, and no one’s hands were on the table.

“Hello, there. I’m sorry I’m late,” Obi-Wan said, in his most polite voice.

“Fuck yes,” groaned Xanatos.

“Force,” moaned Anakin.

Bruck was too breathless to say anything.

Obi-Wan’s nose wrinkled, smelling a very distinctive odor coming from the three of them. He smiled a little warily, and all of a sudden his appearance changed from that of a young, handsome man, to that of a much older man who’d spent twenty years in a desert without the proper skin care products. He said, “I’d love to stay and chat, but we really must go.”

He grabbed Qui-Gon’s hand and pulled him out. The others could hear Obi-Wan saying something to Qui-Gon about it not being their type of place as they left.

They all looked at each other.

Then Bruck broke the silence. “Eww, that’s what he looked like when he died?”

Anakin just nodded his head. “Yeah, I’d kind of forgotten that.”

Xanatos smirked. “Well, that was a close call, but all’s well that end’s well. Who else do you know that’s hot?”

/story


End file.
